Monday, November 14, 2005

Ineffective Mom

So it might be the hormones. It might be general crankiness. I don't know. But I had a crying moment today because I felt like a failure as a mom. Nothing major happened today, it's just that I felt ineffective, and as if I were a failure. Everytime I told my son to do something, it was like I was talking to a brick wall. I kept getting frusterated. I never got angry, just frustrated. But my frustration was enough to make me cry.

Hethan is regressing in some ways, and I don't know what to do about it. I know that it's in part because we have good friends visiting with a younger child. And ok, that's reasonable. But do you think he's already acting out because of the new baby, still 7 months away? Or is it just normal 3 year old ness? You know, here I am, a degree in Early Childhood Education, part way towards my Master's in Special Education, working with 4 and 5 year olds, and I can't even figure out my own child!!! What's wrong with this picture? Why can't I?? Why do I suck as a mother? What is wrong with ME? And here I am, going to have another child? What the hell was I thinking? If I can't even like the one child I have sometimes, how will I cope with two of them?

Anyhow. I'm just a little discouraged today. Just a little down. Just a little though. I guess I'll get better.


Ashley said...

you are a good mom. he's just three-its a sucky age. And a degree in ECEd won't always help with a "real kid" (like one on one, instead of teaching a group), cuz they are all crazy little buggers ;) but you gotta love 'em, or at least try to not kill 'em.

Anonymous said...

You are a great mom. 3 is just like 18 months, but they can talk and run, and are a lot bigger. It is just the independent streak showing its unruly head. You will survive and forget by the time the next arrives in June! Sleep deprevation is a blessing some times!

M&Co. said...

Sounds like that Mommy Guilt rearing its ugly head.

You know what my three year old said to me last night?

BC: Mommy, I'm angry at you! Making an angry face and scrunching up his eyes.
Me: How come?
BC: Because you went away to work today and left me!

I told him I was sorry. What else could I say? I have to work to put a roof over your head and food on your table just didn't sound right to a 3 year old.

Jenette said...

Thanks y'all. Just having that stupid Mommy Guilt, you're right M&co. :)

Martiel said...

I have seen you as a fun, loving mommy; singing car tunes with him, telling his reasons why not to do something instead of "no!", you put his little coat as you are out the door going somewhere, you kissed his owey to make it feel better. And in some past blogs you have written about just being amazed by him and loving his curiosity. Another blog you tell how one night you just sat there and watched him sleep...Go read some of your blogs over again. You are a good mommy. But know there is a mixture of pregy hormones added to being the mom. It's OK Jenette.