I have tried to write this three different ways, each time with no success. I wanted to write a commentary on the routines that keep me sane, but each time I started to write it, I got a little freaked out by myself. :)
I had lunch with one of my best friends, Elizabeth, yesterday. Now, BizBeth and I are two peas in a pod. We both teach young childern. We are both addicted to learning. We dress very similarly--- when we worked at the same school, we had to call each other to make sure we weren't going to wear the same clothes the next day. And then, we both have some issues with OCD. Now, neither of us are Monk--- you know, the character on USA? But we both do have routines that we need to follow and certain things that we do that seem odd to others. It's always good to hang out with Elizabeth, because she completely understands where I'm coming from when I say that I have to do six swipes of my deodorant or else it's not right, and I have to re do it. Really. She understands that I have to have things laid out the night before for the next day. She even understands when I tell her that I wake up in the middle of the night, worried about not having done something, and the fact that I HAVE to get up to check on that something, or else I WILL NOT be able to sleep. She's been there.
Yet, as odd as it can make me feel when people get a glimpse of my routines (because I try not to call attention to them), I've come to realize that everyone has certain routines. Not everyone feels the need to organize and clean the way that I do--- sometimes I can't function unless I've cleaned and organized--- but everyone has those quirks about them. Everyone has those little things that others would consider odd. And it's ok.
I guess I wanted to write this, not to call attention to the fact that I know I'm odd, that I know I have an extreme need for order, but for people like Elizabeth and me. Sometimes I feel like I'm too weird, too high maintenance, too structured. Sometimes I'm ashamed of who I am. Sometimes I wish that I could pass by a drawer that's half open without needing to close it. Sometimes I wish I could be a bit more spontaneous in certain areas of my life. Sometimes I wish that those who are closest to me didn't know that I start cleaning frantically when there's something I'm trying to figure out or trying to get control over.
But that's not fair to me. And I refuse to hide the totality of who I am, just because it might scare, or put off, others. And I like me, quirks and all. I like the fact that I am organized. I like the fact that I can make fun of myself for the routines that I have and for my need to be organized. So what if I might be a bit Obsessive Compulsive? :) It doesn't rule my life, but it is a part of who I am. Deal with it, or don't :) I've got friends like Elizabeth who can deal with it. And Elizabeth has friends like me who can deal with it.
Have a good week, BizBeth. Have a good week, all my other Routine-Driven friends :) And for all of my non Routine-Driven friends, have a good week, and keep people like me on our toes. Change our lives up just enough so that our routines don't get us stuck in a rut, please :)