Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Toilets and Floors

It is a little past two weeks post partum. I seem to remember this mood hitting at about the same time with the Hethan. Blue. Blue. Blue.

Oh, I'm functioning fine. That's the thing. I'm not quite normal. When others are blue, they have a hard time getting showered, getting things done around the house, etc. Not me. I have the cleanest damn bathrooms in the state. Hethan just used the bathroom and said, "The bathroom smells so clean, Mommy!" And the frickin floor couldn't be cleaner if I'd gotten down on my hands and knees and wiped it clean. Oh wait! I did! My sink doesn't have a dirty dish in it, and laundry is getting thrown down the chute nightly.

And anger--- why am I feeling anger along with these post partum blues? Not anger at Starbuck--- hell, my heart melts every time I look at her. I don't really have anger that is directed AT anyone. I just have this urge to say f*ck a lot--- which I don't do. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to curse a LOT.

I don't get it. Life isn't that much harder yet. Truly. My nanny training has come in handy. Going out with two kids is a cinch. When Starbuck is fussy around the house (which really isn't often) I put her in the Snuggli, and we still go about our business. Of course, this makes my incision hurt, so I try not to do it too much.

As my friend Meems says--- This will pass, in time. Yep, it will. I'm still on my anti depressants, still taking vitamins, so I know it's gonna be ok. Oh yeah, and I still have my faith in God! :)

Just a plug for my friend Amber-- her production blog and her Etsy store can be found on my sidebar... I've been using the nursing cover she made for me--- IT ROCKS!!! If you're pregnant, considering nursing, whatever, check out what Amber is capable of! I'll post a picture of me modeling it soon. :)


Anonymous said...

Sweetie, what you're going through is SO normal, but I'm still sorry you are going through it. I hope that knowing that it's normal gives you some comfort, kinda like PMS, once you that's what going on (and it's not really that your world sux), you can sit back and say, okay, this will pass.

Anonymous said...

That was me by the way :)

Amber said...

Been there!!! I am here for you. I didn't have anyone to tell me that was normal back when little man was born. You look amazing! Already lost most of the baby weight and still getting out for events. You're doing great. A clean house to top it off. I had the same exact feelings. It was never geared towards anyone like you mentioned. It's just the flood of hormones all at one time. It took almost 10 months for those hormones to stock pile in you. It will take a while to pour out of you. So, repeat after me F*ck. Again. Awww...that felt better...lol. Amber

BlitzKrieg! said...

Kara is a doll! I hope Jon and I get to see her soon; I still have a gift. Anyway, I'll be prayin' for ya!

Big Northern said...

It sounds like from your last 2 post that the profanity on the tip of you tounge has subsided. I'm glad of that. The only thing I wanted to say is that I have quite a bit of experience with depression. One of my councelors used to tell me that anger is just depression turned upside down. That side of it does make a good motivator for gettig things done. But trust me the flip side is the pits. I hope things continue to get better for you.