Thursday, August 23, 2007

Poor Little Me

So I've had one of those mentally and emotionally (not to mention physically) exhausting weeks. I've been a bit under the weather, health wise. I've not gotten good sleep, and it has felt like a long week at work.

Every day, I've struggled with myself. with those pesky lies that my mind keeps whispering to my heart. "You're ugly. Look at you. You've let yourself go." ..."Why would anyone want you around? You're loud. You're silly. You're stupid." ..."Do you really think you're loveable? Ha." ..."You can't even get your 5 year old to listen to you." ..."If you don't do what XYZ wants you to, they won't like you anymore." .....

So tonight, I went to tour a place that we were considering for our Holiday Party with my Mom's group. It was fantabulous. After the tour, we met at a friend's house to discuss stuff. It was all going good, until I said to one of my very very good friends, "You intimidated me when we first met." And she jokingly said, "Well, I didn't like you. " She was joking. Totally. But all of a sudden, all those lies came rushing to the front of my mind, and I started to cry. I tried to hold it back, I really did. But all I could think was that I was worthless.

And then my friends rallied around me and told me that they liked me NOW! :):) And I totally knew what Amber meant when she was teasing me. My tears dried up very quickly. But it was such a shock to me, how quickly I believed those lies, just because of a joke from a friend.

Amber, Hilary, Mel, Heidi, Meems, thanks. :) I know you like me NOW :) And that's what's important. And Amber, I didn't REALLY cry in the car on the way home. I yelled a time or two and turned up my music really loud. But I didn't cry! :):)

Starbuck took a nap in the car. Now she doesn't want to go to sleep. Growl. I want to go to sleep. Such a shame it would be immoral to give an infant some kind of sleep aid... :) Ah well, that's part of life!


Queen Elaine said...

Awww Sweetie, I wish I had been there to help comfort you!

You ARE funny, and you ARE loveable, and you ARE beautiful, and we love you because you're so silly! And I have liked you from the beginning :p


Anonymous said...

(((hugs)))I get to feeling that way too sometimes. If you remember correctly, I've liked you from the beginning too. :)

Anonymous said...

Oops! I forgot to sign my name. I'm comment #2...Kathy I.