I recently switched antidepressants. I had been happy with my Zoloft--- it kept the pit from being too deep for me to climb out of. But lately, it was less effective--- more frequent cycles of depression, and other physical side effects that I wasn't comfortable with. So, after much thought, I asked my doctor if we could look at something else, or wean me off of antidepressants in general. We decided, given certain aspects of my life, that it would be beneficial to keep me on some sort of antidepressant. So, I'm giving Lexapro a shot. It seems to be working well.
Except for one thing.
See, I have these OCD tendencies. Organizing things. Straightening things. I'm not as bad as Monk. But there are some things that I am compelled to do. If you've read my blog for a long time, you know about the deodorant swipes, the kitchen sink, stuff like that. Sometimes I get a bit more obsessive than others. Lately, I've been in a high organization mode. I have to get things organized. If I see an area that is messy, I literally have to stop what I'm doing, to straighten it up. Sippy cup lids. Tupperware lids. Clothes in the closet. The medicine cabinet. The pantry. The toy box. TPJ's room. Starbuck's onesies. And all of that is in the past week. Oh, and the entertainment center and treadmill fiasco. (Don't ask, please. I managed to get the treadmill down to the basement by myself because I am stupidly stubborn and rearrange the entertainment center area all in the same night.) I can't rest until these things are done. I hate it, but if I don't do these things, then I will be up late into the night, thinking about how to organize or fix an area.
I was aware of my recent increased Organization Compulsion. But I didn't think it was that bad. But apparently it is. Aaron mentioned it tonight. Just in an offhand way. But I know that it's starting to get out of hand, which means that I'm gonna have to do some thought therapy. I'm going to have to get my thoughts under control in some way other than organizing.
Aaron puts up with a lot, being married to me. I know that I'm no picnic to be married to. I do deal with depression. It isn't an easy thing sometimes. I do have anxiety issues. They aren't debilitating, but they're not fun either. I'm moody, and sometimes I don't treat him as well as he deserves. I'm a stickler for things being done MY way. I clam up when I get angry or frustrated. I pick fights when I'm hungry. :) I have double standards sometimes. I call it as I see it, even if it's not an accurate view of things. I'm not an easy person to be with, I'm aware of that. But Aaron is still with me, has put up with all the negatives in my personality, and even risks the wrath of Jenette to tell me when he thinks I am wrong or when he thinks I have forgotten my meds. Even though he risked me getting all moody on him, I'm glad that he mentioned my recent increase in organizing. Helped me to get my thoughts on the right track.
And now, I think. Off to bed. I am EXHAUSTED.