Tuesday, August 23, 2005

threads in the tapestry

So I was reading my friend Mel's blog the other day. Her latest entry was about a friend, Anne, that she is going to miss incredibly when she moves to Vermont in a few weeks. Now, Mel has been my friend for about 6 years, and I can't imagine how my life would be without her. She's truly one of the best friends a person could have and I count myself blessed to know her. So maybe you can imagine how I felt when I was reading her blog about this new friend. At first, I felt a little, well, 6th grade-ish. But by talking with another very smart and incredibly wonderful friend, I realized that their friendship didn't take away from mine and Mel's. Instead, it made it richer. Kind of like different colored threads in a tapestry, see? If you only used one or two colors in the tapestry, imagine how boring and monochromatic that tapestry would be. I've come to the conclusion that having more threads in your life may be a bit more hectic, harder to weave, but worth it. So much richer and colorful.

I'm sitting here at naptime, thinking about these things, watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's the beginning of the last season, which if I may say, is one of the best seasons ever. I still can't believe that it's over. But I suppose it couldn't go on forever. I mean, how many times could Buffy have cheated death? How many more witty comebacks could she have thought of? What kind of a slayer would she have made when she was 30? 40? But still. The joy of the Scooby Gang. Willow, oh Willow, my dream self--- minus the whole witchy thing. I mean the whole smart, funny, shy, but confident girl with gorgeous skin and red hair thing. I love Willow. Oh, I know she's REALLY Alyson Hannigan. Duh! But still, she was one of the best things about BTVS. Sigh. Vampires, blood sucking, life draining demons. How many "vampires" do we have in our lives? What drains us? Hmm.... a thought for another day, perhaps?

I went to my school today. I still feel a bit odd with the other staff members there. One of my friends, whom I hope someday, I can count as a really really good, best kind of friend, said that I don't seem like the sort of person that has a shy streak. She said I seem so outgoing and self assured. And you know what? I am. But in a professional setting, I don't want to come on too strong. Go ahead, get me talking about DAP, and child development, and the best way for young children to learn. I could talk your ear off, both with facts and opinions. But I can also be a bit of a bore, and come across as an intellectual snob. And I really am not a snob. Not to mention, I just want people to like me. I like me. I just want to put my best foot forward, and I'm not sure if it's my right or my left foot. Of course, since I have a hard time telling left from right, does it REALLY matter? :):)

I'm starting the whole round of fertility treatments again today. Clomid at 2 pm every day for the next 5 days. A tubal dye test on Friday. Ultrasound and shots next week. Date with a catheter next week. I'm really not looking forward to it all. The Clomid wreaks havoc on my emotions. I find myself wanting to cry at odd times, wanting to scream at others. I almost feel manic depressive. The physical changes are hard too. Constant PMS. Ugh. And everything else, well, it's hard not to view it as an intrusion on my life. Yet, if I am blessed with another pregnancy, then it's sooo worth it.

Thanks for reading today. Sorry it's not very interesting. :)
Jenette's tips for the day:
1. Breathe through the rough stuff. Oxygen is good for the brain.
2. Remember to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer before it gets sour and stinky.
3. Clean out the kitty litter box more than once a week.
4. Weave the threads that will make your tapestry beautiful.

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