Monday, September 05, 2005

random thoughts

Any time I hear or read the phrase "random thoughts" I get this image in my head of bright points of light bouncing off of each other against a deep black background. Isn't that odd? Sometimes I think I am completely odd. That image in my head always brings to mind the most terrifying dream I ever had as a child. It was a dream I had only when I had a high fever. My dream would start out with a completely black screen (if you will) with one tiny white dot in the very center of the screen. Slowly, the white dot would grow and with it, a constant but unidentifiable noise would grow. The white dot would grow to the point where it would almost overtake the black screen and the noise would be almost deafening in my ears... and then I would wake up before the black screen was completely taken up by the white dot. For some reason, that dream scared me more than any monster dream or any dreams of being lost. I don't know why. I still get that dream occasionally, again, usually when I'm sick. And just the thought of the dream is enough to make my body tense up. If I were so inclined, I would think about the significance of my dream and my reaction to it. However, I am not so inclined. If you are, feel free to post a comment about it.

We moved Aaron's grandparents into their new home this weekend. I can't imagine what they must have been feeling. They had lived in their house for 40 years. 40 years worth of memories. There were some interesting family stories, and some hideous finds. The thing that I thought was the neatest was a banner that was unearthed in the attic. Aaron's dad fought in Vietnam, and when he came home in 1971, they made a welcome home banner for him. That banner was found in the attic, still in nearly perfect condition. It was amazing to me and really made me think about the strength of Aaron's parents relationship. I know that it was not easy for Aaron's mother to be separated from her husband at that time, nor was it easy for Aaron's father. Vietnam was such a horrendous time in our history-- Aaron says his dad doesn't talk about it much. I can't and don't want to imagine it.

I should write a few emails... (Biz, I got your email, and I'll call you tomorrow...) but I'm just so goshdarned lazy.

We mowed our .6 acre lawn today. I helped Aaron reseat some fence posts too. Now let me tell you, I am one strong woman. I know this. I don't lift weights or anything like that, but I have some physical strength and determination. But holding the fence posts up while Aaron secured them to metal rods was downright hard. My arms began to burn, and I eventually had to use my back to hold the posts and my legs to push them up. Could explain why my shoulders are sore today. Aaron later questioned his judgement in letting me help him with physical labor. On Saturday, he wouldn't let me lift anythings because we'd had another fertility procedure done. When he found out I climbed the fence in his grandparents back yard because my friend Mindy was on the other side of the fence, I thought he was going to do something to me. I do appreciate the concern and affection, but those of you who knew me when I was pregnant with Ethan-- well, I get really uncomfortable really quick with the hovering concern that can be shown to me. I do appreciate it and I recognize that people (read Aaron and company) are just concerned that I will hurt myself because they feel that I don't know my own physical limits. Sigh. Thanks for the love, y'all.

What else is there to say? I feel the need to keep writing, but I don't know what I want to write about. I want to be deep tonight, but I don't know what I want to be deep about. Hmmm.

I guess I'll just go to bed and hope that this melancholy and thoughtful mood passes by morning.
Can't forget my tips of the day, however!

1. Dump the cantelope on the counter BEFORE it gets slimy and moldy. Really.
2. Remember to charge your dustbuster so it doesn't die on you when you need it the most.
3. Don't try to explain to a three year old that you just don't feel like being touched today... they don't get it and they want to hug on you anyhow. Just take their precious hugs and retreat up to your room with a handful of peanut dark chocolate m&m's as soon as Daddy is done playing the shooting game and can take your three year old outside to play bocci ball.
4. Make your bed every day, it'll make such a difference in how you get moving for the day.

Have a great night, y'all.

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