Quote of the night

From: The Amazing Race, the Godelewski family: "A hangar is an airplane, right?" "NO! A hangar is where you park the airplane!"

Sesame Street was scary today, apparently. Ethan just woke up saying that he didn't like the letter X. I watched Sesame Street (well, parts of it) with him today, and ya know, the letter of the day part was KINDA scary. Letter X was dark and foggy. Poor little dude, he's kinda a wimp when it comes to spooky things. I guess he's not really a wimp, that's the wrong thing to say. But he's in a stage right now, where even Dora is too scary because of Swiper the Fox. And he doesn't like Robbie Rotten on Lazytown. I dunno. I hope it passes. I try not to give into the fear, but I want to acknowledge the reality of his feelings. I don't want to tell him that there's nothing to be afraid of when he's afraid, because his fears are real. So instead, I'm taking the route of talking through the things he's afraid of. For instance, when he's afraid of Swiper, we practice saying "Swiper, no Swiping!" with Dora. And we talk about how Swiper is pretend, only on the TV. Sometimes we touch the TV, to make sure that nothing can come out of it. I hope it works. I don't want him to be fearful, but I don't want him to bury his fear either--- sometimes fear is what tips us off to something not being right, and saves our lives!

Sometimes I really doubt myself as a parent. I mean, on the one hand, I have a great child-- he's our one and only so far, perhaps forever. He's well mannered (when around other people), nice to other kids, listens to us 90% of the time, and is overall, a nice kiddo. But on the other hand, sometimes I feel like I'm his source of EVERYTHING. And perhaps that's how it's supposed to be, as his mother. Don't get me wrong, Aaron is a great dad and shares the parenting with me fairly equally. But there are times that Ethan refuses Aaron and holds out for me only. Sometimes, this is ok, it's not a big deal. But other times, I want to shake him and say, "GIVE ME A BREAK, KID!" And then there are times that I just want to crawl under the bed and hide from him. Isn't that terrible? There are other times that I worry that I am too hard on the kiddo. Being a preschool teacher, and an Early Childhood Education major in college, well, I think I push Ethan a little too hard. He's incredibly smart (INCREDIBLY!), and I say that not only as a mom, but also as a teacher. I think that since he's so smart, I expect him to grasp things (socially, cognitively, emotionally) that are really not developmentally appropriate for him. I think that plays into my moments of frustration with him. Or, perhaps, my frustrations with myself? Sigh. I just don't want to mess him up forever. But here's a secret that I tell myself lots -- *** You're going to mess up your kid in some way. It's inevitable. There is no perfect parent. There is no perfect child.***--