Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I can't sleep

Someone changed the screen dimensions... either that or I'm used to the laptop. Anyhow.

It's 12.40 am. I need to get up in about 6 and half hours. But I'm having trouble going to bed. I forgot to start the load of laundry that has TPJ's swim trunks in it--- he needs them for tomorrow. So I did that. I also started the dishwasher, wiped down the kitchen, and folded two loads of towels. Earlier today, I vaccuumed the basement and the first floor. I did my two and a quarter miles on the treadmill. I straightened up the house. I even cooked supper--- straight out of a bag tonight.

I should be exhausted. I should be falling asleep on my feet--- oh, did I mention that I didn't get to bed til after midnight the night before?

I can go to bed. I can even fall asleep pretty well. But within a couple of hours, I'm awake again. Not restless, not agitated, not anxious. Just awake. Sometimes I'm compelled to get out of bed and read a book. But I know that I'm more likely to fall back asleep if I just stay in bed. If I just close my eyes and go to my happy place, I will eventually drift back to sleep. For another hour or two. Then I'll wake up again. I'll toss and turn a little, throw the covers off of me, snuggle closer to Josephine Cow, adjust my head so that Cici doesn't permanently cripple me by putting her whole body on top of my head, wiggle my feet a little, and hopefully drift back off. Until the next time I wake up. It's usually close to 5 or 6 am by this time. The birds sing, the neighborhood dogs start their barking (I think deer are running around the neighborhood lately) and the sky is getting progressively lighter. This is usually the worst wake up time for me. I know that I have to get up by 7 at the latest. I want to go back to sleep, but I know that if I do, I won't get any decent sleep. In fact, I'll probably dream about being awake. And you know in those dreams, how you're just wanting to open your eyes, but you can't.... I hate those dreams.

So tonight, I'm sitting here, listening to Seinfeld on the TV in the other room, drinking my tea, savoring the peacefulness. In some ways, I don't mind this season of sleep patterns. I do get a lot of time to myself, time to read, to write, to dream, to think. Right now I'm thinking that maybe if I delay going to bed, perhaps my five hours of sleep will hit all at once! :)

I don't think this is a mental thing--- I know some people would say that because I expect to be sleepless, I am. And there is some validity in that. But I also know that when I fight the sleeplessness, it gets worse. I can go down to as little as three hours of sleep a night and that gets miserable for all involved. I don't take naps during the day, not unless it's Saturday or Sunday, and I absolutely am craving a nap. Ok, that's most Sundays.... :)

I'm not complaining about the sleeplessness, or even seeking solutions. I'm sure that some Tylenol PM would take care of things. But I worry that I wouldn't be able to function in the morning. And someone has to function in the morning in this house, because Lord knows, it's NOT Aaron! :) I'm just writing, just getting some thoughts down, just thinking about the sleeplessness. I feel very creative during these times. I could probably get a few stories written down during these times. I could probably write some lyrics to a song or two. I could probably knit, or something else that requires creativity. But eh. Why bother? It's too late at night to be creative, right? :)

My tea is almost done. It's nearly 1 am. I might head on up to bed.

OH!!! My fingernails and toenails are pretty again! tee hee! I feel like it's been forever since I've treated myself to painting my fingernails--- it's kinda like--- why bother when I wash my hands three trillion times a day--- but this nail polish is such a pretty color. And I needed to do something for MYSELF. So I did. And I feel prettier. :)

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