Published this on FB too....
So I'm sleepless tonight. Sleep for a few, awake for a bit more. Ugh. Classic depression. Fabuuuu!
Our pastor had a sermon on Sunday about leaving Egypt behind. In the Bible, the Israelites are FINALLY able to leave the slavery of Egypt and go to the desert, to travel to the promised land. But because they doubt, because every time things get hard, they look back to Egypt and say, "We shoulda stayed there!" they wander for many years. They had been set free from SLAVERY! They had been given FREEDOM! Yet when things were hard, they wanted to be back in their bondage, because it felt safe.
I wish I could say, "Idiots." But I can't. Because how many times have I wished to be back in my bondage, back in my comfortable sin, because at least I KNEW the sin and the mindset that came with it? Letting go of the bondage is a scary thing. It means trusting, serving, being FREE.
I have to remember, when I get scared, that God truly loves me. He loves me in the way that 1 Corinthians talks about love: " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
My God is patient with my sin. He is kind to me. He is not easily angered, he does not keep a record of my wrongs. He always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. He never fails me. And when I think about stepping backwards, looking back to my Egypt, I have to remember these things. He will fulfill my needs in a way that my sin never can. He will provide comfort and security for me in a way that my sin never can. He will set me free to serve, instead of being bound by lies.
There's a song that some very talented young men at our church wrote a few years ago. I sing that song in my head---Mark and Phil, you really need to record this song.
"Lord I need some peace of mind, I've dropped down to my knees. In this crazy world, I need to unwind... I need your love, I need you grace, I need your strength for me, to get me through these times that I thought I would never see. I cry out to you, on these bended knees, saving grace and your love, that's all I ever really need...."
I am gonna try not to look back to Egypt. I'm gonna attempt to stay free, with His help.